i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
