my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
