Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
