what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize