on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
