do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Everything about him screamed your future.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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