I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
