i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Congratulations! We have a period
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
