he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize