You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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