What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I understand Curling. That high.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
