Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
