I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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