The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
