I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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