I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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