Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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