Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
