A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
