I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
