ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
