I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
