you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
