After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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