Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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