FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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