New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
