There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
