my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
