i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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