I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
