went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
