Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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