so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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