Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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