honey bunches of taint.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize