he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize