wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
