i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
