you traded sex for a burrito?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
