So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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