i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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