Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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