she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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