so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
