I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
