my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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