Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
