I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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