saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
