My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
