he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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