I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
