Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
