The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
