So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
