this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
