..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
