I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
