Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
