I'm gonna have a badass scar
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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