420 ftw
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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