So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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