K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
In other news, I just burned my penis
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
