Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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