I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
