Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
