I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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