Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
