That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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