Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
