Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
