You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
