Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
