it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
