i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How drunk are you?
Completed.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
