Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
