I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
