I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize