i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
