I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
