oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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