It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
