bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
