there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize