Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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