We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
