and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
