you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
