I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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