We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
