Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i've created a new STD.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
