The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
