Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
