He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize