I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
