It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
