You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
