you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
