great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
