the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
